He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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