i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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