yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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