Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
