I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You smell like stripper and shame
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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