I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
