Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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