Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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