Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
