Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
