She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
