They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
