the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
