she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
