I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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