Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
