I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
