dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
