I wish my penis had an off switch
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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