so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
