and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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