So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
