3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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