smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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