So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love having hate sex.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize