Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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