Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize