I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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