we're blogging at a bar
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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