Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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