i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
