he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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