Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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