hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
