New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my shit smells like andre
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
