The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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