So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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