If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
