im holly from the hills drunk
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
