I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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