Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
