I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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