Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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