i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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