all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
