kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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