he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
