Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize