My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
