Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
