Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
