to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
