Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
