Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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