Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
