I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
