My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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