He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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