it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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