He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
