I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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