I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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