my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
