I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
