Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
