Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
