I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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