I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
