if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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