My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
