we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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