so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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