i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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