I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
