Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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