i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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