I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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