i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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