you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
