i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
