you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
