It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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