Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
