so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
