Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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