she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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