we have officially lost it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
