you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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