living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
