I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
