Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize