I can text with my tongue
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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