Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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