So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
