so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My feet surprised me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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