1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
