you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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