Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
