i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
