Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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